Ten tips to overcome communication conflict in a relationship

• Learn to express your feelings your feelings and frustrations honestly, but without accusing or attacking the other person.

• Choose words, expression, and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. Do not use speech that could easily offend or spark an argument.

• Do not exaggerate, distort, or stretch the truth. Avoid extreme words like never and always.

• Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.

• Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even is not the goal – you want to get things resolved.

• Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling, and needing. Try to detect his or her underlying concerns.

• Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal, or argument. Though these emotions are normal, indulging them is sin.

• Do not hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person. Make sure you do not hold a grudge.

• Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly with the other saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solution.

• Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time and the right way for the right reasons.

His love...

It was then when I saw him, in the middle of the dance floor. I could never forget those eyes, those beautiful and soulful eyes, making me weak inside. I would give anything for a kiss, just one kiss and I know in my heart everything will be alright.

He was just so perfect, dancing. Then I saw her. He was just staring at her, so oblivious to their surroundings. They look good together. And then I realized my tears were falling down my cheeks. I am crying. I am actually crying because the man of my dreams is dancing with the woman of his dreams. It hurt so bad that I could cry all night but couldn’t blame him, for he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t even know I exist. I love him from a distance because he doesn’t know me. He just doesn’t.

Untitled

Love has its own wings to set free, so it will always find the right place where it should be.

To let go is really hard, so I’m leaving you with these lines… I was suppose to write you a letter then but just couldn’t find the right words to say. Glad I came up with these lines. And since you didn’t get the message, I’m posting it this time. I had it titled, Untitled.

Untitled

The feelings started for no reasons. I just felt it, and even if I wasn’t sure about how you feel, still, I took the risk. I was thinking that the more love I offer you, the more love there could be on offer. But this didn’t work. Maybe, I was trying really just hard to make you love me. The more I tried working on it, the less likely I have gained from your love. And it just didn’t work. I actually don’t know if you did love me. I hope so… And perhaps, you just simply have fallen out of love. It is really never easy to tell someone that you are no longer in love…so you never did! But if only you just told me that you love her more... If only you have said that you needed her most, perhaps there will be no anger and I guess there’ll be less pain. I was more than willing to see you happy with someone else than be with me for anguish.

I know I tried to hurt you… I’m sure you wouldn’t understand why I kept hurting you with those cruel words. I actually never meant to hurt you. But I was hurt, and it takes me a long time to ease the pain. I often cry, hoping that this will try to alleviate the pain. Unfortunately, it does not and will not indeed. The pain that is felt emotionally seems like unbearable. And I know this will take me a long time to trust someone again. But it’s fine; seeing you happy is more important. Certainly, this will help me become a better person. I really wish I could accept it at once… But I just can’t. Apparently, things will exactly be just fine in the end. Soon, I will learn to accept things.

Sad love really seizes the pride and the heart to heal much longer. Yet, it is much better to fall in love than to fall out of love. So I’m leaving you with love… Let me treasure the love we had without regrets. You can do your thing now and so will I. And if by chance we found each other again, and there is love. Then it’s beautiful! I just can’t bear the pain right now… and I must go.

THE RIGHT PERSON

How will someone know if he already found the right person?

Before a relationship ends to a perfect marriage, lots of hardships will be experienced first. These are trials that you and your partner should overcome because a relationship is a cycle. At first, there should be love. A woman that is in love always hope for her beau to call, desires for his touch, and like every idiosyncrasies of the man. All these only mean that falling in love with a man wasn’t that hard, it comes natural and spontaneous. It’s called “falling” in love ‘coz it is happening...

Falling in love is really easy. It can be a passive or impulsive experience. But of course, the ecstasy of love will soon fade while being with this same person you have fallen in love with, be it in a marriage or a long-and-serious relationship. This is natural. Slowly, the phone calls become a bother; the touch is no longer passionate; and the idiosyncrasies of the person you once fell in love with, will drive you nuts. These signs vary in every stage of a relationship. But if the partners consider what they have shared for years, then there is greater difference from the first stage of the relationship and during the dull moments in the subsequent stage. So here comes the famous question, “Did I choose the right person?”

As both of you reflect on the condition of the love you once had, you may find yourself yearning for such experience with someone else. When the relationship fails, people tend to blame their partner for their misery and just look to the other side of the relationship only for fulfillment. Infidelity becomes so obvious. But there are also some who prefer being involved with other forms of abusive substances like work, hobbies, friendship, and a lot more. The answer to this dilemma actually does not lie outside the relationship, for it lies within it.

I can’t say that you should not fall for someone else though. Indeed, you can still fall in love with someone. But because this can only make you feel better temporarily, expect that you will also be in the same situation a few years later because THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT IS LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. Sustaining the love is not an inert or spontaneous experience. It will never happen to anyone. Each of us cannot find a LASTING love since every one needs to make it every minute of the day. And that is where the “Labor of Love” begins. It takes time, energy, effort, and WISDOM to make the love lasts. Each is responsible for discerning WHAT TO DO to make the relationship work. You must not do something that will ruin the love, for LOVE IS NOT A MYSTERY. Lots of things can be done with or without your partner just to make this relationship succeed. Same as the physical laws of the universe, a relationship also provides a certain law that will make it stronger. And once this law is applied, its direct cause and effect becomes predictable, from which a LOVE that is built will lasts a life time. So choosing the person you want to spend the rest of your life is your “decision”… not just a feeling. And you must make this decision always right.